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Vegetarians in Paradise

Vegetarianism in the News

September 1, 2016 -- Vegparadise News Bureau

KFC Wants Us to Smell LIke Fried Chicken

KFC Sunscreen

OMG! We have hot, hot, hot breaking news for you, our devoted readers! Sun lovers can now protect their skin and smell like a fried chicken dinner at the same time. KFC fans recently lined up at their local KFC store to get a sample of the company's newest product for free--a brightly colored bottle of Colonel Sanders Extra-Crispy Sunscreen. You're probably wrinkling your noses and saying, "What?"

The company website explains how it works: "Harmful ultraviolet rays bounce off your skin while the lovely fragrance rays penetrate it to give you a healthy chicken aroma." Of course, we're all dying to walk around smelling like a freshly fried chicken dinner. And isn't it wonderful that you can even share KFC's chicken aroma with family, friends, and people you don't even know!

Slowpokes who didn't immediately jump on the offer were just plain out of luck at this sunscreen giveaway because the chicken death stores were cleaned out of the 3000 bottles of fowl-smelling lotion in a matter of hours.

KFC had to dash back to the laboratory to create more bottles for the roosters and hens that want to lie in the sun and waft chicken aromas while they sizzle. Obviously, humongous crowds really love the idea of smelling like chicken barbecue while their bodies grill in the sun.

The bottles were labeled SPF 30. Perhaps, they were designed to give users protection from the sun's rays while also functioning as a lure to drum up more business from anyone nearby who might be tempted by the alluring scent of a KFC dinner. You might be thinking this CANNOT be real, but we're honestly not pulling your drumstick!

George Hamilton as Colonel Sanders Even this sunscreen has side effects. The company warns, "Side effects may include the Extra Crispy lifestyle and smelling like fried chicken. KFC® Extra Crispy Sunscreen is an actual product. KFC® Extra Crispy Sunscreen is not a food product. NOT a food product. Do not eat this product. Even though this product smells delicious, it is not delicious. The only skin that should be extra crispy this summer is on your fried chicken."

Testimonials for the product appear on the KFC website. Holding a red and white bottle of the sunscreen, one user declares, "I used to get embarrassing sunburns all the time, which affected my social life. But because of Extra Crispy Sunscreen, I'm always tan and always smelling great! I'm way more popular now. I'm an Extra Crispy guy!"

We wonder what smelling like cooked chicken will do for this guy's social life.

As part of this promotion, KFC hired the well-tanned and crispy-looking George Hamilton and dressed him not as a chicken, but as an Extra-Crispy Colonel Sanders look-alike with glasses, goatee, and bowtie. He's their go-to guy to help them boost sales.

KFC Sunscreen Those who doubted whether this sunscreen was a real product turned to hoax-busting website Snopes.com for the answer. Snopes reassured them that, yes indeed, it was a real product and also warned them not to eat it. The website says people will have pay for the next batch with crispy dollars

We must admit KFC certainly has some original thinkers hanging out in their advertising agency. Catch this. The brand new sunscreen is a follow-up to the edible nail polish the company uncaged earlier this year. The polish appeared in two flavors: Original, and Hot and Spicy chicken flavors. KFC instructed their customers, "Simply apply and dry like regular nail polish, and then lick--again and again and again." No wonder people were warned not to eat the sunscreen! We wonder if all those nails could really be finger-lickin' good.

The Hot & Spicy was a bright persimmon color while the Original was a chicken-flesh color. Both had flashy sparkles and that taste and smell chicken lovers enjoy.

Vegetarians in Paradise awards KFC its Pullet Surprise for creating a gimmicky product that only encourages people to eat their unhealthy artery-clogging fare. Their sunscreen may be helpful and healthful on their outsides but KFC chicken will NOT have the same healthful effects on their insides.

People may have forgotten that KFC changed its name from Kentucky Fried Chicken because "Fried" became a dirty word for people wanting to ditch fried foods and switch to healthy choices.

We recognize this new product may be a fun ploy for the short term, but do people really want to lather their bodies with a chicken-scented product and become a walking advertising shill for KFC?

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